How to do pregnancy man style!

Us men can feel a bit like we’re playing second fiddle when it comes to pregnancy. And to a degree there’s nothing we can do about that. Mother Nature decided a very long time ago that women should be responsible for all the physical aspects – and there are times when we men should count our blessings that it wasn’t the other way round! That said there are plenty of things we can do to get involved in the whole joyful and emotional experience. Here are a few suggestions that helped me, Charlotte, and of course our lovely Molly, which I hope you’ll find useful.

What can I do to support my pregnant wife in the build up to the birth?

• Attend as many midwife and/or doctor appointments as possible as these are important. I would also recommend antenatal classes, often held by the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) and your local hospital. Ask as many questions as you can, even the most embarrassing ones.
• Read books that prepare you for the birth and looking after your newborn. The better prepared you are the easier it is. Also try and work together as much as possible, talking things through with one another as much as possible, which will help you both in the short-term and in the long-run. Charlotte and I found ‘singing from the same hymn sheet’ early on helped reduce any conflict that may crop up during pregnancy, birth and in the postnatal period.
• As the pregnancy progresses your partner will become more and more tired and could suffer from various complaints, backache, heartburn, swollen feet, sleep deprivation etc. The more you can alleviate the pressure the easier things will get. Run her a bath, give her a back massage, rub her feet etc., all will be greatly appreciated. Ease the pressure of household chores without your partner having to ask you.
• Think about decorating the nursery as soon as possible as painting and carpets need to be finished and in place well before the baby arrives.
• You will both be excited at the prospect of getting things ready for the new arrival. Again, work together on deciding which pushchair, cot, car seat, baby monitor etc to buy. These things are costly, so don’t be afraid to ask your families to help contribute towards essentials if they can. Also, give yourself plenty of time to do these things, since some things may take some time to be delivered.

How can I support my wife in the early stages?

• Preparation is the key, the more you have discussed before the arrival the easier it will be. One difficult thing is sleep deprivation; a baby can sleep many hours but it isn’t in one block. Molly woke up every hour-and-a-half, day and night and the broken sleep was exhausting.
• For a lot of the time I used to have Molly downstairs with me while Charlotte had a rest. I then used to bring her up for feeds. When the breastfeeding was fully established Charlotte expressed in the mornings using a breast pump. This way I could feed Molly for her last (dream) feed at night. Expressing allows you as a dad to have some special moments as well as giving your wife/partner a little more freedom to relax, go to the hairdressers or go out with some friends.
• Try and do as many nappy changes yourself so that your wife/partner can rest, especially in the beginning.
• And because your wife will be very tired at times, if possible during the day take your little one out so that she can catch up on some well needed rest. Charlotte was so tired that she almost gave up breastfeeding, which is when a good shoulder to cry on and support helps. She successfully breastfed until Molly was 6 months old.
• The first few weeks can be really gruelling but determination and support will help you get through them. Encourage her as much as possible. But above all, try and enjoy the whole experience as much as possible!