Sharing the burden of going back to work

Going back to work after maternity leave for any mum can feel a bit strange, particularly if she’s not going back of her own volition! Some mums go back because they need to for financial reasons, while others may chose to go back for social reasons. Either way, it can be a bit stressful as things are juggled about to make sure your baby is properly looked after – and while mummy also tries to get back into work mode.

There are lots of ways you can support your partner if she is going back to work. What’s most important to remember is to try and plan things as far in advance as possible. Here are just some things that you might like to consider:

Nursery or child minder
It can help a lot if you’re able to take your child to the nursery/childminder yourself in the mornings/afternoons, as it means your wife/partner doesn’t have the added stress of the nursery run. If you do ‘shift’ work that makes it a lot easier to build that into your timetable.

Choosing Nurseries and Schools
This is something that is important for you as a couple to do together. Sharing your opinion on this issue will show your support on something that affects you as a family. It may mean making school appointments while she is at work.

Talk about her feelings on returning to work
Be sure to speak regularly to her about her feelings. There will be many anxieties with regards to going back to work. Your partner may not feel like expressing herself all the time, so be ready to pre-empt!

Share the childcare in times of illness and issues
There will be times of illness, appointments etc., when it may be necessary to leave early or take some time off from work for your child. This should be a shared thing between you both. This also means communicating regularly with each other and making contingency plans to cover such occasions.

Value her career as much as you value your own
Some men may feel that as she has spent the most time at home with your child the onus is on her to bend and stretch her career to suit. As you are both equal partners and both have careers you may value, it is important to respect each other’s commitments. Understand what it means for her wanting to get her career back on track and don’t lead her to believe just because you see yourself as the bread winner her career has no more importance than your own.

Understand why she is going back to work
Understand if she is only going back to work to make ends meet she may feel guilty for leaving her child. Discuss the best financial options that are available to both of you.

Be open to the possibility of becoming a stay-at-home dad
I think this is becoming a more common thing now. As more women become higher earners, more fathers are being given the impetus to become stay-at-home dads. Where years ago men never got involved and had no idea of what went into the daily routine of their child, so many men now want to stay at home or be involved as much as they can. From speaking to various dads I have found that given the opportunity they would jump at the chance to stay at home with their children. I have had many long periods at home looking after my daughter and I too have felt it would be wonderful to be a stay-at-home dad, as having children gives you a completely different perspective on life.